im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
