I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
