do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it because I queefed?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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