My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
