thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
