that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
