my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
even my farts smell like vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
