when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
