dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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