new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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