i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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