a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
