I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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