He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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