tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
