he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
