My friends, they love my intelligence
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize