I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
