Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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