I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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