I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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