Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
