I just saw a hot homeless man
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
