I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
