i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
