I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
