It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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