Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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