last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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