There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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