you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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