I just cut my nipple shaving
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
