Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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