Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
