I could have mohawked her pubes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
