dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
