Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
