It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
