just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
