you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
