Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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