whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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