woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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