I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
