my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
