You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
