Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
