She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
