how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
