Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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