I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
