just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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