that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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