i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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