you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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