just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
