Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
