i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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