Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
