you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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