I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
