god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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