Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
